I used to be an extrovert – at least that’s what I was told and what I told myself.
From my teenage years onwards I much preferred to be in the company of others, loved a good party and was unsure of my own company. The first time I completed a Myers Briggs Personality Indicator questionnaire I scored highly on the extrovert scale. The theory told me that I:
get my energy from being with others
am attuned to the external environment
think on my feet
work ideas out by talking things through
have broad interests
am sociable and expressive
The theory, based originally on Jungian psychology, used to suggest that your preferences are an integral part of who you are. They are your DNA and couldn’t change. Once an extrovert always an extrovert. So, when in my 40’s I took the test again and came out as an introvert I was confused. Confused but somewhat relieved. My reputation as an extrovert felt pressured, not at all energising as the theory suggested. I felt that rather than my personality type be as much part of me as my own skin, it was shaped by the roles I fulfilled as a chaplain and parish priest. Of course, I love to be with people, but it can be very draining.
Back in the 1990’s when I was chaplain at Trinity College, Carmarthen (now UWTSD), a colleague of mine began some research into clergy burnout in the Catholic Church and found that one of the factors was that the majority of those who found themselves in ordained ministry were introverts but living an excessively extrovert life. Only when I came out of full-time ministry for a while at the age of 40, did I see that this related as much to me as anyone else. I had spent 25 years of my adult life living outside of my preferred type and I was exhausted.
So, reclaiming my introversion has been a blessing. I began to enjoy my own company so much more. I relished exploring my inner life, worked out ideas by reflecting on them more, and concentrated on communicating through writing.
Of course, this is all well and good and even liberating but we live in a very extrovert world, where the loudest and most outgoing get heard and noticed. Our education systems are geared up to group learning and activities, with introversion often mistaken for lack of engagement and interest.
Yet without introverts, the world would be devoid of some really valued discoveries and creations:
The theory of gravity
Chopin’s nocturnes
Peter Pan
Orwell’s Animal Farm
Google
Harry Potter
So, my plea is to spare a thought for the introvert. If you’re a parent, allow your introverted child time alone, not when there is nothing else to do but as quality time. They are not being anti-social but rather recharging their batteries. If you’re a manager, ensure that the introvert members of your team get heard and more importantly listened to. You will need to invite and encourage them to share their thoughts and give them time to reflect before coming to decisions rather than putting them on the spot. Don’t make your introverted partner feel guilty if they say no to a social engagement once in while or prefer their own company to yours.
There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert, we are all on a spectrum between the two. We are, after all, unique in our personalities and gloriously complex human beings.
So, keep an eye out for those introverts in your life. What do they look like? Well, sometimes it’s hard to tell because they wear their chaos on the inside and are fluent in silence.
If you want to learn more about us then I recommend Susan Cain’s book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, in which she offers a
‘A Manifesto for Introverts’ 1. There's a word for 'people who are in their heads too much': thinkers. 2. Solitude is a catalyst for innovation. 3. The next generation of quiet kids can and must be raised to know their own strengths. 4. Sometimes it helps to be a pretend extrovert. There will always be time to be quiet later. 5. But in the long run, staying true to your temperament is key to finding work you love and work that matters. 6. One genuine new relationship is worth a fistful of business cards. 7. It's OK to cross the street to avoid making small talk. 8. 'Quiet leadership' is not an oxymoron. 9. Love is essential; gregariousness is optional. 10. 'In a gentle way, you can shake the world.' - Mahatma Gandhi
Whether you recognise yourself as an extrovert or an introvert, I would love to hear what you think about such concepts as ‘quiet leadership.’ Are you managed by an introvert. Do you recognise yourself in this description.
Let’s celebrate the fact that introverts can be movers and shakers too.
You can complete your own Myers Briggs personality test here.
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